November 5, 2019
by: Alpheus Llantero
TW: suicide, mental trauma
Maybe I’ve internalized death
at my own hands as the worst possible way to go
Allow me to find other ways to leave
when I walk across the street I say fuck you to the car but also hit me
but what a pathetic way to die; that Ari is still playing, ear buds sit
a few feet away from my fractured bones and my heart still beats
Allow me to find another way to leave
maybe I’ll walk home one night and a serial killer in the bushes lunges at me
but what a pathetic way to die; to find me screaming like I never grew up
I would’ve run and tried to fight but failed and ended up on my knees
Weak, I call myself, but also thank you I would say
Allow me to find another way to leave
I hope I fight for a cause so dear to my heart
That one day someone hated me so much
I hope that person would find it in him to blow my brains out
And I hope that is a death
Worthy of my ancestors
Like Ninoy, parade me in the streets
With my clothes soaked in blood
Let the world know how I died
At least that would be honorable
But until then I walk home
Hoping to be hit by a car
Hoping to be murdered by a serial killer
Or hoping I don’t ever have to die
with my own hands
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